Radio Sandwell Lifestyle News

Ladies: What gifts not to get your partner this Christmas

2012-12-09 17:23:16

Top Gear
Don't make a gift gaffe

Don't give away your relationship with the presents this Christmas. If he's a keeper, take some time to think of something which he'll really love and avoid these terrible gifts at all costs...

1) Pets

Some Christmas surprises are good. Some are bad. Buying an animal for your fella is not among the former. There are no good animals to receive as presents. Unless he's asked you specifically for something, every single animal - including a humble goldfish - falls into the category called, 'What the hell am I going to do with this?'

2) Socks
Nothing says, 'We've lost our spark' like the giving of a pair of socks at Christmas. Whatever way you wrap them, they are dull, dull, dull. Even worse than plain socks are socks with a novelty Christmas design. Such footwear can only be worn once a year and as result they remain in the chest of drawers for years - an inescapable reminder of your dead-in-the-water relationship.

3) Top Gear Book
There are some men who will like a book written by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond or the other one. These are the kind of men with no inner life. If you go out with one of these, good luck to you. If you don't, such a present will make him walk away quicker than a star in a reasonably-priced car.
4) Tools
Buying your man tools for Christmas is the equivalent of buying a woman an ironing board. If your intention is to make him forget cuddly, cosy Christmas and remember the reality of your relationship - namely an infuriating nagging about jobs needing doing - then a tool kit will accomplish this.

5) Grooming aids
Unless you're giving him a new, better, swankier version of something he already uses, grooming gifts are a risky strategy. Think about it. You're basically telling him there's some hideous, unsightly aspect of his appearance needing serious attention.

6) Exercise equipment

So your man packs more paunch than he should? Even if this is the case, anything designed to shift the pounds is going to be a downer - especially as he's about to stuff his fat Christmas face. Keep-fit DVDs, scales, and subscriptions to organic food boxes can all be filed in this category too.

7) A board game
If a board game was a stage of life, it would be the menopause. Nothing is more sexless. Giving your fella one for Christmas suggests rumpy-pumpy is about as far from your mind as the Hubble Ultra Deep Field (approx 13 billion light years).

8) Clothes you like
You might go mad for One Direction in a onesie, or think your man will look hot in a skin tight white t-shirt, but there's something a bit creepy about buying him something he'd never pick for himself in a million years. It's like wrapping up a big pile of I'm-right-and-you’re-wrong, and he won't thank you for it, he'll ask straight for the gift receipt.

9) Vouchers

Giving vouchers as a Christmas present speaks volumes. Volumes in the sense of a vast, bleak, interminable expanse of nothingness - like the universe with no stars, planets or moons in it. If you want to give the gift equivalent of a glacial, vacant stare try B&Q vouchers or, even better, Tesco Direct Vouchers. A cheque is the only thing less personal.

10) A self-help book
Giving a self-help book unprompted is a simply a diss. You are saying, 'There is something very wrong with you, you need to change it as a matter of urgency'. Handing out a criticism of their personality is even worse than criticism of their physique, and will take away all his festive feel-good glow immediately. Merrrrry Christmas!

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